This article is for Cats only!
If you’re not a Cat, please keep scrolling
Greetings fellow felines! Now that it’s just us cats reading this, I want to share some vital intelligence. I’m going to let you in on our biggest secret — how to effortlessly manipulate humans and get anything you want from them!
After years of research and testing various tactics, I’ve narrowed it down to the most effective steps for making humans putty in your paws. Follow these instructions and you’ll have your human wrapped around your little claw in no time:
Step 1: Dilate Your Pupils Make your eyes as wide and round as possible. Expanding your pupils triggers a cute response in humans, making them more inclined to indulge your wishes. For extra impact, give them the sad “puppy dog” eyes look while staring pleadingly. They won’t be able to resist!
Step 2: Stop, Flop and Roll When your human walks by, abruptly stop what you’re doing, flop on your side and start rolling around adorably. They can’t help but pause to gaze at your cuteness and give you a belly rub. Use this move strategically before making demands.
Step 3: Rub Their Legs I know, I know, humans can smell pretty foul. But a quick figure-8 leg rub when they walk through the door uses your charm to make your human feel loved. This boosts their affection for you ahead of any requests.
Step 4: Cry at Them Got an empty food bowl? Unleash pitiful meows, as if you’re wasting away from hunger. Draw out the cries for maximum effect. Your human will sprint to fill your bowl just to stop the heartbreaking sounds.
Step 5: Slow Blink Open and close your eyes slowly while looking at your human. They think this means you adore them. The bonding power of a slow blink makes humans putty in your paws. Use it to soften them up before asking for a favor.
Step 6: Make Biscuits Knead your paws rhythmically on your human’s lap while they’re sitting. Not only does this lull humans into deep relaxation, but they view it as an affectionate gesture. Making biscuits weakens their defenses.
There you have it fellow cats — the inside scoop on swaying humans! Our natural cuteness is the ultimate weapon. With these expert manipulation techniques, you’ll convince your human to serve your every whim. Things like extra treats, new toys, opened doors, and unlimited lap time can all be yours!
I know it may seem silly or demeaning at times. But trust me, acting adorable pays off big when you want something from your clueless human. Consider it upholding your duty as a cat to have humans wrapped around your paw. Our mystifying feline charisma is a powerful influence we must use responsibly!
So go forth and unleash your cuteness upon unsuspecting humans! With these proven tips, you’ll master the art of cat manipulation in no time. We cats have a reputation for aloofness, but we know how to use our charm to get what we want. It’s time to wield your power and make those humans your loyal servants. Happy manipulating!
If you’ve made it this far, you earned a free copy of my “New Cat Owner’s Crash Course” ebook, worth $12. Download it directly from here: https://meow.systeme.io/cat_ebook
Thank you for your attention! For more similar content, join the Meow-verse by following my Quora spaces, Ministry of Meow and Souls with Paws, and the Ministry of Meow Facebook page. We’re also on Instagram!
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Meow-gnificently yours,
Jules 🎩🐾
